Merry Christmas! $hitter was Full!

• 
  BIG NEWS.  I received the most wonderful Christmas present this year.  Really, I couldn't have asked for anything that would bring me more joy and contentment.  It has simplified my life in a way that nothing else could have.
  
  On Christmas Eve, after Hamburglar and I had put out all the gifts, I started cleaning up the kitchen a bit, and he hauled in a quite large gift and plopped it in the family room.  Confused and curious, I asked him what it was.
  
  "A family gift," he replied.  Now, this got me a little nervous, because Hamburglar has a long and detailed history of buying 'family gifts' without my knowledge that end up costing what I think is way too much money or are way too indulgent.  See, that's how it is in this house.  Me, the mean, cheap one.  Hamburglar, the big spender.  Or something like that.
  
  Anyhow, my interest was piqued, and I looked forward to seeing what treasures awaited the family in the morning.
  
  Well, I was not disappointed.  It was the last present of the morning to open.  And as the kids tore off the paper, they gleefully exclaimed....
  
  "It's a.....TOILET?!??!!"
  
  To which, I leaped off my couch where I had planted my arse for a warm winter's nap, and I had to get closer to take a gander.
  
  Hamburglar then proceeded to tell me it was "top-of-the-line," "this baby will never clog,"...the real Nimbus 2000 of toilets.  And you know how I love me a good toilet.   Finally.  A throne fit for this queen.
  
  Oh, how my heart soared.  You may recall my plight with the toilets in this house.  They are, quite simply--and pun intended--pieces of crap.  They flush nothing.  They require a special and fine-tuned technique and wrist flick to get the proper flushage.  My kids (and in particular, Vid Kid, who must have a colon as wide as a baseball bat) were clogging our downstairs toilet (which is used most often) every. single. day.
  
  Every single day, I would have to go and plunge that damned thing.  And every single day I would curse it.  Curse it for the vile thing it was.  And every single day I would hope, perhaps like Cinderella of old, that someone, somehow would remove me from the misery that life had bestowed upon me.  For a life of daily plunging in poopy water is not a life worth living, my friends.  No life at all, really.
  
  So you can imagine my joy.  I was delirious with anticipation.  "Let's get this baby installed and christen it!  Let's see if it really works!"
  
  So Hamburglar spent the next hour or so installing it.  And then I had to go in and take a look at it.  Oh, it was a beauty.  So shiny and new.  No pee stains.  No streaks.   Sparkling clean.  But with the power and force of a Mustang.  No--make that 20 Mustangs!  We had a moment--the toilet and I.  I promised it that I would take good care of it, if it would take good care of us.
  
  And then we waited--waited for the full christening--until VidKid had to "move something."  That was the real test of its strength.  And lo and behold, after his business was done--the sound of the flush--was like music to my ears.  You see, for the past 2 years, every time a child would go into the bathroom, I would pause and take note and wait for the sound of the powerful flush....but more often than not, it was never there.  Instead of a flush, I would get a "MOM!!," and I knew what horrible crime against humanity awaited me.
  
  Now, the work is not done in this house.  3 other low-flow, piece-of-crap toilets still plague me.  But--until we can replace those--we have designated our downstairs bathroom as the official CRAPPER.  That is the place to do your business.  That is the place where the magic happens.  To feel the power.  To feel the force.  Feel free to stop on by and give it a try.
  
  This, my friends, is the gift that just keeps on giving.  All.  Year.  Long.   I love it.  The best Christmas present EVER.

What the Aitch Wednesday!

My weekly rant:

1.  Good thing we have the "most transparent administration ever."  Yep.  Good thing.  Cuz if we didn't, then I'd definitely be worried about all this Libya stuff.  And General Petreus and all that stuff.  But, since I know we have the most open and honest and transparent administration ever, I know the facts will all come out and we, the American people, will get the truth we deserve.  You can bet on it. 

hahaha.  I tried to say it with a straight face. 

2.  You know how I mentioned in my last post that I was in mourning?  Going through the grieving process?  It's true.  I  am.  And what are the 7 stages of grief? 

1.  SHOCK & DENIAL-
2. PAIN & GUILT-
3. ANGER & BARGAINING-
4. "DEPRESSION", REFLECTION-
5. THE UPWARD TURN-
6. RECONSTRUCTION & WORKING THROUGH-
7. ACCEPTANCE & HOPE
Ummmm...I am currently in the third stage--anger and bargaining.  I am past the shock.  Past the pain.  I am mad as hell.  Mad at Obama.  Mad at the people who voted for him.  Mad at the media for not vetting this guy (again!!) and for allowing such a false narrative of Romney to persist.  Mad at the people who could've spoken out about this pathetic joke of a presidency, and didn't.  I'm just mad.  And I am dreading the fourth stage:  depression.  I'm not so worried about my own emotional depression, as I am about the country's.  Because I fear that that is what is going to happen--further recession and depression. 

3.  Now, I'm no statistician, but I did take a couple Stats classes in college--and my roommate in college was a Stats major (Hi, Steph!), so that pretty much makes me an expert.  I have looked at these numbers from the election.  The exit polls, the precinct and county results in various states, etc.  I thought it on election night, and I continue to believe it:  These numbers don't make sense.  These precincts where Romney got zero votes....the counties with over 100% turnout.  The fact that Obama fought so hard against voter ID laws in the swing states and ended up winning the states that didn't have them.  Voter fraud is well documented.  There are people on oath talking about how they've manipulated electronic voter tabulations.  And I don't put anything past any of these thugs.  Vote early and vote often, right?   

So....I'm not saying he DID steal the election....but I'm not saying he didn't either. 

If that makes me some kooky conspiracy nut--then so be it. 

4.  All this tax increase talk?  How stupid are we?  I've said it before, and I'll say it again---you could tax all the millionaires in the country at 100% , and you could let the Bush tax cuts expire, and you still won't make a dent in our deficit.  This is a spending problem.  Not a revenue problem.  Sure, it made a great talking point for the Dems to vilify the rich and tell them they weren't paying their "fair share," and play class warfare, but now that the election is over, how about we actually deal with facts...since we certainly didn't deal with them during the campaign.  Spending.  Entitlements.  That is where the problems are.  Not revenue. 

5.  And speaking of Washington, let me speak to the dear electorate of Washington state:  You're stupid.  Again.  You have a chance to elect a smart, highly respected, competent governor.  And what do you do?  You elect a total doofus.   DOOFUS.   Seriously.  I guess we're not known as the pothead state for nothing.   

I tire of pretty much every candidate and initiative I vote for losing in this place.  I hate losing. 

6.  My daughter's school is going to see the Nutcracker as a field trip.  Cool, right?  Yes!  They have room for like 15 chaperones.  And apparently this is a very popular field trip for chaperones.  So, you have to actually fill out an application to be a chaperone.   And I don't mean like an application to do a background check and all that stuff.  It's basically like a job application.  Explain why you're qualified to do this.  What do you bring to the fieldtrip table?  What skills do you bring to this fieldtrip?  I'm not mocking. (well, maybe a little bit).   I understand why they do it.  But it does make me laugh.   

What the Hell Just Happened?

That'll teach me for getting my hopes up.  I should've known better.  My motto in life is to not expect too much, so that I won't be disappointed.  I've pretty much applied it to everything I do.  But this time....I guess I expected more out of my fellow countrymen.

I expected them to understand the grave situation this country and the world are currently in.  I expected them to understand the importance of preserving and protecting the Constitution--and the reality of American exceptionalism.  I expected them to look past their own selfish interests, their sense of entitlement and victimhood--and see the bigger picture at play.  I thought they understood that 4 more years of the status quo wasn't really a good idea--for anyone.  I really thought that this time, they got it.  I thought they could see past the historical nature of this presidency and see it for the absolute dismal failure that it has been.

Obviously I thought wrong. 

When will this national nightmare end?  I so wanted it to be over.  I so wanted to send Obama sailing off into the sunset.  I am tired of him.  Tired of his face.  Tired of his voice.  Tired of his lies.  Tired of his disdain and destruction of this great country. 

I wanted Obamacare repealed.  I wanted a real vision for energy production in this country.  I wanted a Commander-in-Chief who loved and supported and strengthened the military--who didn't turn his back on it when times got tough.  I wanted a leader who understood what creates prosperity and growth.  I wanted somone who could unite us as a people, rather than divide us and pit us against each other.  I wanted a president who actually loved this country. 

Mitt  Romney was not a perfect candidate.  No such thing exists.  But he is good.  He is honorable.  He has a servant's heart.  He is competent.  He leads.  He is impeccably experienced and qualified to meet the challenges this nation currently faces.   He was perfect for this time--for this place in our national history.  And somehow, a small majority of this nation couldn't see past the ends of their own noses to recognize that.  A small majority of this nation was too ill-informed, ignorant, and entitled to appreciate or even deserve what he was offering to us. 

My heart is heavy.  I feel like I am in mourning.  I feel like someone died.  And really, someone did die.  Her name is America, the Beautiful.   In her place, we are left with America, the Betrayed.


 

It's Not Me, It's You

Last night, after Wee One woke me up at 3 am, I could not go back to sleep.  My mind was racing all sorts of places...and in some sort of sleep-deprived craze, my mind turned to politics.  Shocking, I know. 

I started thinking about what it is about politics that gets people so fired up and passionate.  Why does it bring out the worst in people?  Why do we disagree so vehemently on political issues?  Why is it so divisive?

Are we passionate about issues because we really believe in the issue or because we just want to be "right?"  Do we really believe the things we say we do, or do we think them just because some politician or pundit told us to? 

These were the questions plaguing me.  So follow me here through my half-conscious thinking...   

For me, there are a lot of reasons why politics get me revved up.  Above all, I think I can sum it up this way:  political outcomes impact my life in a very real way.  And I don't want the vote and opinions of other people (some of whom I believe to be very uneducated on the issues) to impact my life.  It's a sad statement of the scope and overreach of government when we actually fear the far-reaching effects of elections.   The federal government has its grubby little hands in practically everything. And that's scary. From the bedroom to the boardroom, it has a say in almost everything we do. 

This is why a republic only survives when the people are good. And we've strayed a bit from that goodness...which is why the republic has become more scary.  It's scary when the ill-informed, illiterate, and immoral population in my country get to make decisions that affect my life! 

Their votes can prohibit me from keeping the insurance and healthcare I want.
Their votes impact the education of my children--what they're taught, where they're taught, and who teaches them. 
Their votes can take away my hard-earned money so they can give it to some one or some cause they think is more deserving of it than I. 
Their votes impact how much I pay for gas at the pump and for food at the store. 
Their votes impact how much debt my children are going to inherit. 
Their votes impact my own personal, financial, and national security. 
Their votes can fundamentally transform this amazing country into something I don't want it to be.
Most importantly, their votes deprive me of my God-given rights and liberties.

The list could go on and on.  Of course, there are those on the opposite side of the political spectrum who fear the outcomes of my votes on various things.  I understand that it goes both ways.  For example, they'd argue that my votes could keep them from getting an abortion, or keep them from getting married, or will ruin the entire earth.  Because I want dirty air and water.  And I want to kill the polar bears.  Did you know that? 

But when people ask me why I get so fired up about public policy issues, I want to scream at them"How can you not get fired up about them?!"  Sadly, politics impacts almost everything we do!  It shouldn't be that way.  It was never intended to be that way.  But it is.  The federal government should never have become so involved in the citizens' lives.  But it has.   

As much as I disagree with raging liberals, and can not, for the life of me, understand why they see some things the way they do, I can at least respect them for having a position on issues.  It's the apathetic ones that drive me nuts.  The ones that are just like..."Meh.  Whatever.  What time does 'The Bachelor' start?"  Care a little about your life, maybe.  Do us all a favor and take the time to educate yourself ...just a tad. 

There is obviously too much vilification of those we disagree with and too much fighting and game-playing by our legislators.  They need to figure out how to just do what is right for the country instead of what is right for their party or their re-election chances.  It's become a joke--and if it weren't so serious, it would be hilarious.  A little more civility is definitely required.  That doesn't mean that we don't care about issues passionately.  It just means that we recognize that we are all fellow Americans living in this crazy world together.  And that we're better when we focus on what unites us rather than what divides us.  It means we don't keep calling each other names and accusing others of "hate" when they have a different viewpoint and perspective.  That's my favorite.  Oh, if I had a dime for every time I've been told that I'm a hater...either because I'm a conservative, or because I'm a Mormon, or because I'm a Republican, or because I may or may not have attended a tea party or two..... 

So, yes.  I care about politics.  Cuz, like the saying goes, elections have consequences.  And those consequences affect me.  And more importantly, they affect my children.  So, yeah.  It's personal.   

Runner Shunner

It's been a while.  What can I say?  I've been busy.   Most notably in the last few months, I completed two of my goals that I've been working towards over the last 6 months:  running in the Seattle Rock n' Roll half-marathon and running in the Ragnar Northwest Passage Relay Race. 

Half-Marathon:  If I could sum it up in one word?  Painful.  Yes, painful.  That would be the word.  And sweaty. 

Unfortunately, my right hip flexor and right knee starting hurting badly only 2 miles into the race.  Which left 11.1 miles of rather painful running.  Not easy to do. 

So, to distract myself, I spent the vast majority of the 2 hours of the race dodging loogies and fellow runners.  And inhaling, what I am sure, were toxic fumes.  I discovered during that race that running is a rather peculiar sport.   People spitting everywhere, peeing everywhere, and hitting each other all over the place.  Who knew? 

Thank you to Kelly Clarkson, whose song "What Doesn't Kill You Makes You Stronger" kicked me into high gear for the last third of the race!

Overall, I ended with a 10:30 pace, which I guess I was happy with under the circumstances.

Ragnar Relay Race:  I was a little nervous for this, I have to admit.  One of my Sarahs and I were in a van with a couple other people that we knew, and two strangers.  Could've been a recipe for disaster.  Me and strangers?  We don't mix.   Me and sweaty strangers?  Really don't mix. 

But all was well.  My van was a delight.  Yes, a real delight.  5 girls and 1 guy....who was so nice and a real trooper to put up with us.  We honked and honked, ran and ran, and cowbelled and cowbelled.  We laughed and laughed.  Sarah and I were in fine form.  One of my favorite moments was when I had stuck a couple energy chews into my sports bra for safe storage during my run.  (I can assure you, there is no safer place in the world than my cleavage during a run).  Anyhow, as I was looking down my shirt at the chews, I asked "what are these things called again?"  One of my teammates replied, (in her Filipino accent)  "Boobs."  Maybe you had to be there, but it was hilarious.

During one of our rest breaks, we were attempting to crash in one of the designated rest areas.   So here we are--in  a room chock full of sleeping runners laying on a school gymnasium floor.  Then, two clueless maintenance workers stormed into this gymnasium with their hydraulic lift--ever so anxious to change a lightbulb.  Beep, Beep, Beep.....Up they go.  And up all the runners go too.  Oh, if looks could kill.  Those are our taxpayer dollars at work, people. 

Fast forward 12 hours to another group of runners in another gymnasium trying to get some sleep for the night.  And picture one, lone snorer, filling the entire gym with his incredible snore.  Finally, one brave woman woke him up.  She was a real heroine.   The whole thing was rather surreal--eating a baked potato at 1 am and then sleeping with a bunch of strangers in a big ol' gym.    I felt like a refugee of sorts.  And I guess I kind of was. 

Though incredibly sleep-deprived and physically exhausted, we had a great time, and I ran as well as I could expect of myself.  I shaved a good minute off of my pace from the half-marathon--which is in part due to the fact that I was not in excruciating pain throughout the duration of the event.   Funny how that works.

Downside of the Ragnar:  I saw more motherlands than I care to recall.  They were everywhere in the locker rooms...a real potpourri of motherlands.   Which was all fine and dandy--I was fairly successful at dodging them and avoiding them as much as possible....until one of the ladies plopped herself next to me in the dressing room and proceeded to strike up a conversation with me in her nakedness.  I, fully clothed, and she, in her glorious nekedness.  I didn't know where to look, who to turn to.  It was all rather painful.  My friend Sarah got a kick out of observing this encounter and said it was one of her favorite moments of the whole race.  Yes, I am sure it was.  

So, the big question is:  Am I a runner now?   The answer to that is no.  I have gained an appreciation for it, and I have learned to not hate it.  But I don't love it.  And...this is the real thing here....it doesn't help me lose weight.  All the training I've done over the last 6 months....you would've thought I maybe would've lost some weight.  But no.  I lost zero pounds.  You think I'm putting myself through all of that for no reward??!!  Maybe I lost some inches and put on some muscle.  It's possible.  But not enough to make me think it was worth it.  So, I will continue to run a few miles each week---and remain a member of the Running Sucks Club that I am a co-founder of,  but I need to pursue other exercise avenues if I want to lose more weight.  5 lbs.  That's all I want.  Ok...maybe 10.  But I'd settle for 5.  Is that too much to ask for?  Apparently. 
 

What the Hey Wednesday!!

My weekly rant:

1)  First--let me start with a good what the aitch!  Wisconsin?  Way to go!  Who knew?  I wasn't sure you had it in you.  But you did.  I am so thrilled that you realized Walker did the right thing for you and your state taking on the public unions.  I hope it echoes all across the country and is an indicator of more good things to come!   Wisconsin is like a second home to Hamburglar, seeing as he spends about a week a month there for work.  We're so proud of you, WI!  But not enough to move there....in case anyone's wondering.  You're still...well....Wiscansin.... No offense or anything...

2)  Last weekend, BigRed insisted I take him to a "party at his school," that was basically a Healthy Kids/Get-off-your-butt-this-summer type of event--with booths encouraging healthy and active lifestyles.  It was a fine event...lots of people...lots of free trinkets (that I alone had to carry), etc.  It was definitely an event targeted to children.  So you can imagine my surprise when I beheld a booth belonging to none other than  the prestigious Planned Parenthood.   Ummmm...excuse me?  Really? 

Now, I know there are some that will say that Planned Parenthood does a lot of great things to encourage healthy living in youth....you know....distributing contraceptives and conducting STD testing....and you know....removing those "punishing babies" from the wombs of young teenage girls.  But let's get real here.  Planned Parenthood's bread and butter is abortions.  And, as I have talked about before, they are an organization big into promoting sex.  So I was quite appalled to see them there at a community event such as this.  They are a far too political and controversial group to be there.  And certainly not to an event catered to children.  I didn't get too close to the booth (I was with my children!!), but I noticed they had signs with "Choice" on them plastered all over the booth.  Highly inappropriate.  And when I'm done writing this post, I am going to write the event organizers and let them know of my dismay.  But not until I'm done this post.  I have my priorities. 

3)   The house directly across the street from us has been vacant for a few months now.  It has been foreclosed on, and after months of squatting, the people finally moved out...leaving a yard that hasn't been touched in probably over a year.  In the year and a half we've lived here, I have NEVER seen them touch the yard once.  So you can imagine what it looks like.  Overgrown lawn.  Weeds everywhere.  And not just your everyday weeds.  Noxious weeds.  Everywhere.  Just a highly neglected home and yard.  And of course, the bank isn't going to do anything about it.  We were tired of looking at it, so we took matters into our own hands.  One of our neighbors, along with  Hamburglar and Wonderella went out to clean it up.  They took the weed-whacker out there and whacked like they've never whacked before.  As they were doing so, a couple other neighbors came by with some shovels.  Hamburglar and helping neighbor thought they were coming to assist.  But no....they came to, first, walk through the house (which is unlocked) and snoop, and then....to steal the trees and plants from the yard!   Hamburglar was shocked.  What the heck?!  Don't help or anything.  And, why yes....help yourself  to the landscaping while we're here!  It's like people thought, 'well...as long as they're over there cutting grass, I might as well cut down this Japanese Maple here...."  Seriously, people.   I was a little alarmed.  They seemed like nice, normal neighbors.  Now I'm not so sure.  Pa.the.tic. 

4)  Half-marathon is in 2 1/2 weeks.  Ummm....I'd be lying if I didn't say I was nervous.  I hope I can survive.  I have no visions of grandeur.  No hope for coming in under 2 hours.  My goal:  survival.  And to run across the finish line.  I will not walk.  I will not endure the shame of hundreds of onlookers watching me mozy across the finish line.  I will run and finish in fine form.  No one needs to know that I may or may not have walked the previous 13 miles.  

5)  And, of course, what would a What the Aitch Wednesday be without an Obama rant.  He blows.  The end. 

Totally 80s Tuesday!

Finding out how to be a good mom to BigRed is my current "challenge." Love him to bits. But he has been, by far, my most stubborn and grumpy child. Maybe it's the reddish hair (it's really more just a strawberry blonde), maybe it's 3rd child syndrome--whatever it is--he can be a real stinker.

I caught a glimmer of hope when we were driving in the car and he asked me to turn off the talk radio and play some music. So I turned on the CD player, which had an 80s mix in it (created by none other than dear reader, Sister Wife). Well, BigRed must have seriously liked what he heard, because when we got home, he took the CD out of the car and put it up in his room. He listens to it when he is playing. He listens to it when he falls asleep. Ahhhh, yes....nothing like falling asleep to the sweet sounds of Peter Cetera....and Starship....and Huey Lewis and the News. Such a sweet, sweet lullaby....

So, my heart swelled with even more pride the other day when we were walking through the grocery store and he asked me the following question (he likes to quiz me all the time on random things): "Mom, what song has this in it: 'No time is a good time for goodbye?'"

None other than Starship's Sara, of course. He was thrilled with himself, and I was thrilled for him too.

Ahhh...there is hope. For all the grumpiness he sometimes exhibits, he loves him some 80s classics--and that might just be enough to see us through the next few years....

Totally 80s...Wednesday!!??

A couple weeks ago, some friends of ours offered up their tickets to go see Van Halen in concert.  Ummm...yes, please.  Heck yeah, I want to go see Van Halen!  Even better--David Lee Roth was reunited with the band for this tour.  It was sure to be a good time!
And it was.

Though it was loud.  Oh, so very, very loud.  My ears took a serious beating.  But it was worth it. 

Eddie Van Halen rocked it.  He really is amazing.  He's almost as good as me on Guitar Hero.  Almost. 

David Lee Roth was hilarious.  I don't know if he meant to be hilarious, but he was.  He still knew how to groove--so much so, that they built him his own, polished dance floor on the stage so that he could be free to move and spin and dance.   He still did his high-kicks, splits in front of the microphone stand, and could twirl that stand like a baton.   No mid-air splits though--he is pushing 60 years old, after all!  Apparently you can never be too old for Spandex, though.  Thankfully, he's moved from this kind of Spandex (on the right)...to that kind of Spandex (below).   He could still sing, and I thought he sounded great.  You know, as great as a rocker can sound.  
 
The crowd was....entertaining?  Is that the right word?  Interesting?  Amusing?  Scary?  High?  Disturbing?  I think all of the above could definitely apply. 

It was a good time had by all.  A big thank you to our kind and generous friends for letting us go!

The show was down in Tacoma, and on the way home, we noticed that one of the local casinos was having an Air Supply concert.  Ummmm....yes, please, again!  Of course I want to see Air Supply!  And I bet I might not stand out so much at that concert!  And every good concert is held at a casino!  Making Love Out of Nothing at All is one of my faves.  Come on....admit it....you know it's one of yours too!   

I was joking with a friend that we should go see it, and she made a good point:  Some things are just better left on the CD.  Why mess with a good thing?  Air Supply is perfect and beautiful on the CD and the radio.  Why go to a concert, only to be greeted with 2 old, saggy-bummed men who can't sing anymore?  I mean, really?  Do we think that they can still hit those high notes?  Probably not.

So I leave you these 2 videos.  First, Van Halen's Jump.  Classic.  My favorite.  Used to be my ringtone.  Need I say more?  And next, I leave you an Air Supply video...in its perfect form.  A true 80s gem.  Complete with high collars, mullets, big hair, a fantastic "talk-over-the-music-dialog," bad graphics, and a stellar guitar solo. 

Ummmm... Is it just me...or does the lead singer remind you of Richard Simmons? 

Mom's da Bomb

Happy belated Mother's Day!  I hope yesterday was a great day for all you women out there!  An especially big shout out to my amazingly talented and wonderful mother!  She is a strong and generous woman and I am blessed to be her daughter. 

My Mother's Day was nice and rather uneventful.  I found it humorous when we were sitting around the table eating a nice breakfast prepared by my family, and Hamburglar tried to help the kids be nice to me by encouraging them to say nice things and share what some of their favorite memories are of me.  No one could come up with a thing to say about their favorite memories.  VidKid threw out an obligatory "yesterday!" response.  Yesterday was his favorite memory with me.  Thanks, VidKid.   Haha!  But no worries--determined not to be a martyr mother, I was not offended. 

Ever notice how close the words martyr and mother are to eachother?   Coincidence?  I think not.     

I had a few mother-of-the-year moments last week.  Thursday morning, Wonderella told me she wasn't feeling very well when she woke up.  I've been down this road before with Wonderella...and let's just say...10 minutes after the bus has left and she's home from school, a miraculous recovery occurs and she's bouncing off the walls and driving me crazy. 

Not this time.

I told her to go to school and see how she feels.  I drop her off at choir practice which is an hour before school starts, and about an hour later, I get a call from her school nurse to come and get her.  So I go back to the school to pick her up, and as we're walking out the door, Wonderella says "I told you I didn't feel well."  Ummm...yeah.  I know, kid.  Thanks for telling the school secretaries and nurse too.  Now they all think I'm one of those moms.

So we get home, I get Wonderella settled in her bed, and not 15 minutes later, I  get a call from BigRed's school nurse (he goes to a different school) telling me that BigRed's arm is hurt and I need to come pick him up.  So I go in and pick him up.  No one knows what is wrong with his arm, or how it got hurt, but it's hurt--he won't use it-- and he needs to go home.  I  am starting to wonder if people are just trying to get rid of my children.  So we go home.

The next morning, BigRed's arm is still hurting, but I figure he can manage fine at school, so I put his arm in a brace and send him to school.  I  haven't taken him to the doctor yet, because I don't know what's wrong with it.  Ok, yes, I know you're thinking--isn't that what a doctor's for?  But no, that is not what a doctor is for.  I like to go into a doctor's office pretty much having already self-diagnosed what is wrong with me and/or my child.  I couldn't just stroll in there and say "My son's arm hurts....and no, I don't know why or what happened to it."  Goes against everything I stand for.  Not to mention the fact that I have a high-deductible health care plan, which means I am shelling out $200 just to walk in the door.  I'm not convinced that's necessary.  

Side-note:  Hamburglar was telling this story to our friends, and he was saying, "What's a doctor going to do?  Look at it?  X-ray it?  Put a brace or a cast on it? "  To which, our friend replied, "What's a doctor going to do?  He's going to treat it."  And then he implied that Hamburglar should go back to Kentucky.  hahaha.  Made me laugh. 

Anyways, so BigRed's at school, and about an hour into it, I get another call from his school nurse saying I need to come and get him again--and that it behooves me to take him to the doctor.  She pretty much tells me that I need to go and take him to the doctor, and until I do--don't bother bringing him back.   So out we strut...with my tail between my legs.

Well, nobody tells me what to do.  I still haven't taken him to the doctor.  And guess what?  Yesterday, BigRed was swinging around on it, doing pushups, and all sorts of things.  It was a Mother's Day miracle!  A true Mother's Day miracle! 

Ha!  I showed them!  The school and the doctor!   Who needs their advice?  Not me.

And I told BigRed, that under NO circumstances was I to get a call from the school nurse today saying his arm was hurt.  I didn't care if he was dying in pain, he was NOT to go to the nurse.  I will not endure the shame. 

Yes, it is confirmed.  I am the world's best mother.

Are You this Wacked?

I heard this on the radio today, and I loved it.  The radio commentator was talking about elections and how we elect people to represent us.  But do they really?  He posed the question:  does Obama really represent you or anyone you know? 

The following are questions anyone who is actually considering voting for the guy should ask him or herself.  Sure, Obama can try to change the subject off of him---he's tried--with the so-called "war on women"--the contraception--the gay marriage--on a variety of social issues--but the fact remains--he is the most radical liberal we've ever put in the White House, and he needs to GO!!  Any one of the following should make you pause--put them all together, and I don't know how anyone can feel comfortable with him in power for a second term. 

1. Do you know anyone who has the understanding and gained their understanding of Jesus Christ and defend it, and they got that understanding from someone like Jeremiah Wright? Do you know anyone who is a good Christian that believes there is no salvation unless there’s collective salvation?

2. Do you know somebody who is raised and/or mentored by communists?

3. Do you have friends or acquaintances that are Marxists, Communists, or have been actively engaged in the overthrow of the United States government?

4. Have you ever been at a party celebrating someone who has been accused of domestic terrorism?

5. Do you know anyone or have you ever been to a party and gave a toast to someone who is accused of being a Muslim terrorist?

6. Do you or any of your friends have the belief that terrorism doesn’t really exist? And that by definition jihad is only a holy struggle?

7. How many of you or how many of your friends have hired members of the Muslim Brotherhood to provide security for your business or their business? Or would hire members of the Muslim Brotherhood to go through and put together your security for your town?

8. Do you have any friends that believe the Muslim Brotherhood is largely secular and good?

9. Do you know anybody that thinks NASA’s foremost goal should be Muslim outreach, so you can help them and NASA can help them feel good?

10. Do you know anybody who believes that Occupy Wall Street features the best people in our country right now?

11. Is it even conceivable that anyone you know or associate with would think that killing Osama Bin Laden was a tough decision? With that, you have a single friend who in that case would make sure that we have a “blame someone else” memo ready just in case it went wrong?

12. Do you have anybody in your circle of friends or your circle of influence that believes America and Israel is the biggest obstacle to peace and stability in the world. Do you know anyone who believes the United States constitution needs to be a photo negative to be right with the world today?

13. Would you or anyone you know take a gift given to the United States after 9/11, a bust of Winston Churchill, and try to give it back to the prime minister on your first meeting? And when he says, “No, no, that’s a gift, you can keep it,” would you or anyone in your circle of influence then take that bust, box it up, ship it back yourself and say “We don’t need it anymore”?

14. Do you know anyone, a single person, who has a wife or a husband that has never been proud of the United States of America until something good happened in their life?

15. Do you know anybody who would actively defend allowing a baby to die without treatment in a hospital if an abortion failed? That the baby would be born outside, the doctors would have it, and they would be allowed to put it in a closet and just let it die?

16. Would someone in your life withhold needed money from poor countries or suggest that needed money from poor countries was withheld unless they change the Constitution to be pro-abortion?

17. Do you know anybody who believes the only way out of debt is to spend $5 trillion in three and a half years? Or believes Solyndra and other green businesses were a good bet, and that the people’s hard earned money is something you should gamble with and you think that it should continue?

18. How many people do you know personally that would give a shout‑out to someone to say, “Hey, I just want to say hi to Bob over there and thank Bob – It’s been a great day, Bob,” before you had to announce to the country that 13 soldiers were murdered by an Islamic extremist on our own soil?

19. Do you know anybody who claims to be a huge Israeli supporter? Do you know anybody who says, “I’m the biggest fan of Israel, they’re our biggest and strongest ally, and I’m a huge supporter. I’m the best thing that has happened.” And that when the prime minister of that country flew from the other side of the globe to have a scheduled dinner with you, you would humiliate him and blow off for dinner? Let him eat alone while you had a quiet dinner someplace else with friends? Do you know anybody who says, “I am the biggest supporter of Israel,” and then visited all of the Muslim countries around Israel but couldn’t find the time to go to Israel? And that as Israel’s biggest, most loyal supporter, believes they should go back to the indefensible ’67 borders? I understand it if you’re not a fan of Israel, but if you’re a fan of Israel, do you know a soul that is a true fan of Israel that says, “Yes, go back to the ’67 borders”?

20. Do you know any committed capitalist who believes in redistribution of wealth?

Source:  The Glenn Beck Radio Program

Are We Really This Stupid??

Ok, let's be real here for a minute.  Or two.  Or five.

This country is in serious trouble.  We face so many threats--coming at us from so many directions. 

Regardless of your political leanings...left, right, or somewhere in between...can we all admit that these are very serious times for our country and for the entire world?  And can we admit that maybe, just maybe, we need someone in the White House who has more to his resume than "community organizer," law professor, and "half-term Senator?"  And can we admit that maybe our little political "hobbies," our little pet projects or social issues might need to take a backburner to the more important foundational and constitutional issues of the day?  To the economic and fiscal issues?  Because if we don't get this house in order, all these other side issues are going to matter very little.

It's time for a grown up to take over.  Amateur hour is over.  Time to take off the soiled training pants and let the big boy in.  We had our fun little rendez-vous with the first African American president who made us feel good and assuaged our white man's guilt (and of course when I say "we," I mean "we as a nation," and do not include myself personally...because heaven knows I did not vote for this man).  We enjoyed all that "hope and change"euphoria for the...oh...two months it lasted before we figured out this guy we had elected has no clue what he's doing.  Yes, Obama knows how to sink a jump shot.  He can sing.  He can hobknob with Hollywood celebrities.  He's cool beans apparently.  What, pray tell,  do any of these things have to do with being a good president? 

By any measure, this man's presidency has been a failure.  The economy stinks.  Gas prices have more than doubled since he took office.  Real estate market in the tank.  Iran and North Korea dangerously nuclear.  Are all of these his fault?  Not entirely.  But he's done nothing to promote growth.  In fact, he's inhibited it with regulations and over-legislation.  He's added trillions in debt, and for what?  What do we have to show for those trillions of dollars? 

Absolutely nothing.

He's appointed liberal, activist judges to the Supreme Court.  He's shoved a terrible healthcare law down our throats.  He has offended our allies, and aquiesced to our enemies.  He has divided us as a nation--contantly splitting us into groups...black/white, rich/poor, men/women.  He and his wife Michelle have spent more time on vacation and golfing than George Bush and his family did in two terms combined.  And he's done more fundraisers than every president since Richard Nixon combined.  Combined!!  When I think of the millions of dollars the taxpayers have spent for them to gallavant across the world, it literally makes me want to pull my hair out. 

What are his plans for taking on the debt?  He doesn't have one that will work.  He just wants to tax the "rich," though even if we took every dollar from every millionaire in the country, it wouldn't even put a dent in our deficit.   He is too weak sauce to tackle the real spending problems facing us--entitlements, Medicare, Social Security, etc.  Of course, he's more than happy to cut military and defense spending.

What are his plans for dealing with Islamic terrorism?  For Iran?  North Korea?  

How does he plan on dealing with gasoline prices?  He won't even approve of the Keystone pipeline, which would increase our energy independence and create thousands of jobs.  ANWR?  He won't touch it...for fear of angering his left-wing environmentalists in his base. 

He has Commie friends and advisers.  Not debateable.  Proven facts.  What does this say about him?

What are his plans for supporting and defending Israel? 

What are his plans for defending our borders?  He has sued (sued!) the state of Arizona for daring to enforce its laws and protect its borders.  Insanity.   

How does he plan on creating jobs and boosting the economy?  By tax increases and more government spending (though he'll call it "investing").  Really, Obama?  How's that going to work?

For the love, America.  Please wake up.  Obama is not competent.  Can we move past the idea that he's a great teleprompter-reader and is young and "hip," and cool?  Can we move past the party labels, the "left" and "right" labels, and please elect a man who is a proven leader--a man who has actually achieved something in his life and seen results?

Sure, Romney can be a little stiff.  He may come across as a bit "old-fashioned" and serious-minded.  But isn't that really what we need right now?  Considering the times we live in?  A little serious old-fashionedness would really be a welcome relief. 

Competence. Capability.  Results.  Leadership.  Are those too much to ask for? 

Apparently.  I mean....have you heard Obama sing?  How can we not elect someone who can sing like that? 

Musical Theatrics

A few weekends ago, a friend and I got free tickets to the musical Oklahoma. Who turns away free tickets? Not us. So we went.

Notables:

1. At the beginning of the show, as the lights were dimming, and the overture was playing, my friend and I were chatting just a bit as we got settled in our seats. The lady sitting next to my friend quickly tapped the playbill on my friend's lap, glared at her, and harshly shushed her. It was pretty brazen.

As the show progressed, the lady pulled out a pair of gigantic binoculars. Like, we're talking huge. Complete with a back-harness to distribute the weight. She must be a bird-watcher extraordinaire. This wouldn't have been so strange--ok, maybe it would've still been strange--but it would have been less strange if it weren't for the fact that we were on the EIGHTH ROW! Eighth row, people. I could see the spit flying from the actors' mouths. I saw every expression. What on earth was she needing a binocular to see? Well, for those of you familiar with the musical, there are a couple scenes with Jud in his smokehouse where there are pictures of naked/scantily clad women on the wall. Well, at least what is supposed to look like naked pictures. And, she did pull those binoculars out during these scenes. You can make your own conclusions... It was all very odd.

2. I had a woman with a helmet of a head sitting in front of me. Gratefully, I was on the end of the row, so I only had to sit next to my friend. I have serious issues with sitting next to strangers at things such as this. But the helmet head! It was gargantuan! Like an orange on a toothpick! During the intermission, I went to walk around and stretch my legs and noticed that there were some cushions piled up with a note: "These cushions are for children and our smaller patrons." Ummm...that's me. A smaller patron. So I totally took a cushion so I could see over helmet head. It was a mother's day miracle! I could see the show AND save my 'roids.

Just kidding about the 'roids. I don't really have them. I just like to use that word. 'roids.

It was a month of real culture, because 2 weeks later, I went with some friends and our daughters to go see the Beauty and the Beast musical. It was most loverly. I love Beauty and the Beast. It is absolutely one of my favorite Disney movies.

The casting was all very good--with the exception of the beast. His speaking voice was perfect--the singing?....not so much. Just not powerful enough. And, well...kind of like in the movie...once he transforms into a man....ummm....no thanks. I liked him better as beast. Come on...for once....show me a HOT beast-turned man! (I think his character name is Prince Adam.) I wanted him to be hot. But he wasn't. He was oafish. More Meatloafish, really. Oh well. Can't win them all. Dem's the breaks, Belle.

And speaking of Dems....Can't wait to kick their butts in November.

What the AITCH?? Wednesday!

Happy Leap Day!

My rant of the week:

Question: Why should I have to pay for you to have sex? Seriously. Why?

This whole contraception mandate stuff. Someone explain to me why the federal government should have the power to dictate that companies and their insurance companies cover contraception and offer it to their employees for free? For free? Really? And by them offering it for free...we all realize that that means, that every single one of us will be paying for it indirectly--through decreased wages, increased product prices, and/or increased insurance premiums.

You know, if we're going to be in the business of telling people what to pay for, I can think of a lot of medicines that I'd rather offer to people for free. Medications for cancer sufferers, for example. Medications for sick children. Medicines that promote and extend life. Not death. Or lack of life. Medications for hemmorrhoids. Seriously. I can think of a buttload of meds I'd rather cover for free (pun intended).

I have no problem with contraception. No one's trying to deny women and men the right to use it and to have access to it. But to force companies to pay for it--and offer it FOR FREE is absolutely ridiculous! People are trying to make it a "women's rights" issue. Puh.Lease. I can't take it anymore. So sick of hearing that term...women's rights. This has nothing to do with women's rights or women's health.

What does contraception have to do with women's health? Really? Am I to assume a woman is only healthy if she is able to have as much sex as she wants, whenever she wants it, with no consequences? Is that what makes a healthy woman? Heaven forbid that a woman have to pay for her own contraception! Oh, the horror! Or heaven forbid that a woman....brace yourself....NOT HAVE SEX UNLESS SHE'S PREPARED FOR THE POSSIBILITY OF HAVING A BABY! MAYBE EVEN MARRIED! Gasp....

Beyond the whole idea of forcing religious institutions to pay for things that are against their core beliefs--I don't agree with the government mandating any company to pay for anything. And forcing religions and religious groups to go against their conscience and moral beliefs is reprehensible.

What is wrong with our society? Why are we so keen on making sure people can have as much sex as they want--and making sure there are no consequences? Why are we so afraid of babies...and so keen on paying for contraception and abortions?

Have you read this article about these Australian bio-ethicists who are now claiming that newborns are not "persons?" It makes me sick. Most notable quote from their study: "Merely being human is not in itself a reason for ascribing someone a right to life." They go on to say that reasons for aborting a newborn (aka INFANTICIDE) would include those where the life of the infant would be burdensome on the family. They use Down Syndrome and other disabilities as examples of these burdens.

This is disgusting on a level I can't even believe. What is wrong with us?

I recently saw a report discussing the acts of Planned Parenthood--and their involvement in promoting sex. Contrary to what they want many of us to believe, they are not just an organization that offers "family planning" services. They are a corrupt, disgusting organization that makes a lot of money off of aborting fetuses and testing for STDs. And how do they guarantee themselves more abortions and STDs? They promote sex. And lots of it. Don't believe me? You can check this video out, though I warn you, it is graphic, disgusting, and disturbing. You really might just want to take my word for it. http://www.theblaze.com/stories/hooking-kids-on-sex-graphic-new-vid-report-shows-how-planned-parenthood-is-creating-future-customers/

I don't know about you, but I'm sure glad that our tax dollars go to fund such a stellar organization. They sure do a lot for our society, wouldn't you agree?

Totally 80s Tuesday!

Meet my pre-pubescent crush:

Kirk Cameron

Oh, that smile. I loved it as a young pre-pubescent. I still love it...post-pubescent.

Growing Pains was one of my absolute favorite shows. Pretty sure I saw every episode. Remember it? Remember Mike Seaver? Remember his sidekick, Boner? (How did they get away with giving him that name? ) Oh, that was a great show.

My heart is gladdened to know that my old crush has done good things with his life. Unlike some of my other crushes from that era (Corey Feldman, Cory Haim), Kirk Cameron has gone on to lead a fairly decent, normal life--beyond just a resume full of ABC After-school Specials...his is a life complete with 6 children (all from the same woman! (the lady who played his girlfriend on Growing Pains)), and an evangelistic ministry. His most recent project involved delving into the history of our nation and what made it so great. And what is wrong with it now. Here's a peek at the trailer of this movie:

Ah, Mikey Seaver. So glad to see you again.

Sore Loser

You may recall this post of yesteryear regarding my plague with herpes--as in cold sores--not the other kind of herpes.

It so happens that I was on my online medical chart the other day, emailing my doctor regarding an antibiotic prescription, when I decided to look at my medical history for fun (Yes, for fun!) and noticed that my medical history says that I have a history of......wait for it.....

Genital herpes.

Ummmm...... NO.

Anyone who knows me knows this could NOT be the case. Well, I guess there's no way that anyone could KNOW this is not the case...but people know me well enough to know that I am a pure, virtuous, monogamous saint of a woman. As is Hamburglar. Wait, that doesn't sound right... Well, you know what I mean.

As was the case with the biology teacher I mistakenly told I had herpes...I don't know what it is with this herpes thing that seems to erroneously follow me wherever I go. So, in talking with a woman who works for my clinic yesterday at Wonderella's basketball practice, I asked her how one could go about changing or correcting their medical record. And....long story short....I totally told her about the herpes thing. I didn't feel weird about it at the time...but now I kind of am. I am thinking I either totally could have offended her by acting like herpes down there means you're a horrible, disgusting human being. Which may or may not be what I think. But looking back, it was a really awkward conversation. I either totally offended her....OR.....she totally thinks I have genital herpes.

Ahhh...this is what I get for talking to other moms at practice. If I would have just kept to myself, like I usually do, none of this would have happened. Now watch....before I know it, all the moms on the team will know that I have genital herpes on my medical chart. I will be the mom whore on the team. Every team's got one. You know it's true. And this time, it's gonna be me.... Well, me and that other woman....

Facebook Foes

Ah, the facebook fight.


It's one of the finer pleasures of life, really. Nothing like logging onto facebook....reading some random stranger's idiotic comment, replying to it, and then--63 back-and-forth comments later--knowing that you did your little part to change the world for the better.



I've had my share of facebook fights. I know this must come as a surprise to you. In fact, I just got in one today.




Ok, so I have opinions. A lot of them. There really are very few things I don't have an opinion on. Even on things I don't really care about--I'll pretend to care about them--just so I can have an opinion. And I don't mind sharing my opinion. In fact, at times, I feel absolutely compelled to share my opinions.


Probably the glory days of my facebook fighting was back during the heat of the recent healthcare debate. I'd read people's completely ignorant views and--due to the incredible gravity of the potential effects of the healthcare bill on our country--I would comment. I was polite, never rude, and always right.


I would even get private messages sent to me from random strangers thanking me for sharing my opinions...which gave me the courage to continue to tell the world off on facebook as much as I could. Spreading truth to one ignoramus at a time. That's what I do.


A few months ago, during the peak of the Occupy Wall St nonsense, I got into a facebook fight with a self-avowed libertarian socialist/Christian anarchist. Don't ask me how those 4 philosophies jive together. However they merged--they resulted in this individual. He was civil enough--and he had obviously spent a large amount of time thinking and reading on the issue of capitalism vs socialism. But he was so very wrong. So very, very wrong. And I had to tell him. I had to, people. I had to.


Just recently, a friend of mine on facebook wrote something that I found very offensive and incredibly inaccurate. I wanted to say something. In the course of the rest of the day, I crafted a whole response in my head. It was civil. It was nice. And it corrected the inaccuracy of what he had said.


But then that little voice in the back of my head told me..."Step away from the computer, Kamilli. Don't do it. It's not worth it." So I didn't. I decided this man and his friends could continue in their ignorance. I wasn't going to change his mind. I'd probably just lose a friend. Not that I'll ever see him again in this lifetime anyways. But that's not the point... Sometimes it's just better to bite your tongue and not say anything. It depends on who you're dealing with and what the topic is. There are definitely some things worth defending. And people worth defending them to. This just wasn't one of those times.



So, as someone who's gone the rounds a time or two on facebook, I offer these rules of thumb (or more accurately, these rules of the middle finger):


1) As a general rule, don't pick facebook fights with your facebook friends. Only friends of your facebook friends. They don't know who you are. So you don't get left picking up the pieces. You can walk away, dust your hands off, and let your friend deal with the aftermath.


2) If you can, find out what city the person you're about to pick a fight with is from. If they live within 200 miles--driving distance to come and beat you up or stalk you-then it's probably not a good idea.


3) Make sure your profile and personal info is private. You don't want anyone to think that you speak for your religion, your alma mater, your employer, etc.


4) Know your stuff. Nothing worse than picking a facebook fight, and then having a highly reliable and respected wikipedia link thrown in your face to rebut everything you just said.


4) Don't be facebook friends with people who are idiots. This one's a no-brainer. If you know someone that is just stupid--or who has polar opposite views as you do, and isn't afraid to share them--then just don't befriend them on facebook. Or at least "hide" them so you don't have to read their trash every day. Heaven knows there's enough of that on facebook anyways. There are some people in my life that I just know I can't handle on facebook. I can't deal with them. So I'm not facebook friends with them. There's no rule that says just because you know someone--or are even friends with them in real life--you have to befriend them on facebook. Yet, somehow...some people think you do. Probably mostly the people with some quest to achieve 2,000 'friends' on facebook.


Which leads me to wonder: how many people have "hid" me on facebook? Hmmm. Oh well. I'm over it.

5) Be civil and polite. Even if the person is an obvious jerk. I think facebook and other social media have changed the discourse in America...and not necessarily for the better. People feel they can say things online that they'd probably never say to someone in person. I guess that could be a good thing--ideas can be shared freely without fear of immediate repercussion....but I think it has decreased the civility that one would normally try to use in person (for fear of getting pummeled). Name-calling and insults just aren't productive and only make you look like the idiot.

Though, I must admit, they sometimes feel really good to say.

Pray tell...Have you had some facebook fights??

(Lost in) Space Derby

So Friday was another Cub Scout Derby. You may recall our Pinewood Derby of yesteryear. It was disastrous, to say the least. This year, rather than a pinewood derby, it was a space derby. I had no idea such a thing existed. But it does. Oh, it does.

Rather than making a car, you make a shuttle that is attached to a line and propelled by wound rubber bands. Perfect, right?! No wheels to lubricate! No weight restrictions! Just a few rubber bands! Easy peasy. What could possibly go wrong?!

Everything. That's what could go wrong.

Again, the night ended in tears. Again, VidKid's creation was one of the slowest in the bunch--not even making it to the end of the line on most races. Again, I cast looks of bewilderment at Hamburglar wondering how he could let VidKid down--me down---again. Where's the family pride? He is destroying the family name! Hamburglar's a handy guy. He's good with tools. He can create and do handyman stuff around the house. What is this derby curse that follows us?

I joke with one of my Sarah friends that her hobby is winning. She likes to win in her free time. I'd really like to make that my hobby too. How do I make winning my new hobby when my kid keeps losing?!

I guess I will take some comfort in knowing that VidKid's shuttle wasn't THE slowest in the bunch. So we moved up a spot in the Cub Scout derby rankings. Up from last place to second-to-last place. So we've got that going for us. At this rate, we'll be right in the middle of the pack--celebrating mediocrity at its finest by the time he's 11 and ready to leave Cub Scouts.

Granted, VidKid obviously needs to gain some perspective and learn to have better sportsmanship. But obviously his father needs to take a class or something. Do they offer such a thing? Maybe I just need to take over this whole derby thing. Cuz it sure as aitch can't get any worse.

Debate Bloomers

Whose 9 and 11 year old kids, when flipping through the channels, get excited when they see a Presidential Debate is on? Whose kids, sit in front of the TV, totally absorbed, listening to presidential candidates talk about the Federal Reserve, capital gains taxes, and healthcare reform? Whose kids cheer when one of their preferred candidates lands a punch in the debates?

My kids, that's who.

I'm so proud. (wiping tear from my eye.)

At least I was proud, until last night, while eating dinner with the debate on in the background, the debate discussion turned to taxing the rich. VidKid looked up, and said "Taxing the rich? What's so wrong with taxing the rich more?"

Somewhat taken aback, I raised my eyebrows at him, pausing....trying to figure out how to explain this to him. And then, VidKid looked at me, realizing his error, and said "Oh, yeah....sorry... I just forgot. I just forgot for a second. The rich give us jobs."

Atta kid.

That's right. The indoctrination starts very early in this house.

Thought Rot

Why hello there.

Happy New Year!

Whatever that's supposed to mean. New Year's. So overrated.

I could go into a lengthy story of why I have been M.I.A. on this blog for the last 2 1/2 months. But you don't care. And I don't want to talk about it. And I don't need to tell you how busy the last few months of the year can be for everyone. So we'll just leave it at that!

The important thing is I'm back. And I hope you are too. Cuz "whatever I said, whatever I did, I didn't mean it....I just want you back for good. (want you back) (want you back) I want you back for good..." Sorry. My apologies. I have a habit of spontaneously bursting into song. It's a problem.

So, here's what I'm thinking about....

1. I bribed VidKid into not having a birthday party this year. I offered him 50 bucks and a trip to the movies if he'd not have a party. I let him make his choice....I told him I'd be more than happy to have a party if that is what he really wanted....but I also told him I'd let him keep the 50 bucks I would've spent on the party if he chose not to have one. Surprisingly, he chose the 50 bucks. I feel kind of bad. But then...I don't. I feel like a big winner too.

Sadly, I kind of did the same thing with Big Red. His birthday was at the beginning of December, and he wanted to have a party. Problem was....I couldn't think of one person to invite. Sadly, Big Red doesn't have a lot of friends. It makes me very sad. Sure, we could have invited his whole kindergarten class, but I didn't want to do that. It was going to be a Star Wars party...not for girls. And, quite frankly, I don't like it when my kid gets invited to the mass parties. Mostly, because I can't tell if they really want my kid to be there, or if they invited him/her to be there because they had to invite the whole class. Plus, call me overprotective, but I won't just drop my 6 year old kid off at some random person's house who I don't know. I don't know any of the kids/parents in Big Red's class. Well, I know two. But not enough of them to have a party.

So....I did what any good parent would do. I bribed him. With a family party to Chuck E. Cheese. Sure, the boys came home with some nasty stomach virus--complete with vomiting and the runs--but it was totally worth it . Poor Big Red. Maybe next year he'll have some friends. It would help if he was nicer. We're working on that.

Wonderella's birthday was also at the beginning of December, but it wasn't her year for a friend party, so didn't have to do that. So, December came and went and I didn't have to have one birthday party! Yee Haw!

I did host a Christmas party, however. You know...for me... and my friends. So don't think I got off totally scot-free.

I'm a horrible mother, aren't I?

2. Last night, Hamburglar signed both of us up to run in the Seattle Rock n' Roll Marathon. A half-marathon, of course. Hamburglar ran a full one last year, but he wants to join me on a half. Now, some of you may be thinking...."I didn't know that Kamilli was a runner!" Yeah... cuz I'm not. I hate running. Almost as much as I dislike looking at Michelle Obama. I hate it. It's not fun. With the exception of this picture.... I like this one.
But back to running. It hurts. I ran a 5k a few years ago, and my knees and hips ached for WEEKS. Take a look at runners you see on the street. Do any of them look happy? Are any of them smiling? The answer to that is a resounding NO!! So why in the AITCH would I want to go and pay 100 dollars to spend 2 hours running on a public road in agony and misery? Why, oh why, indeed.

Somehow, I've been duped into thinking that this is going to be something I need to do. So let the training begin. If nothing else, perhaps I will get in better shape and lose a few pounds....you know....so Big Red doesn't have to come up to me and say "I know you're pregnant, Mom....cuz you have a big belly....." Yeah. Nice.

3. Are we all fired up for election year??? Can you feel the excitement and the electricity in the air?? Can you???? Can you????

Yeah, me neither. Just not feeling the love right now. All I'm feeling is the loathing. No love...just loathing. Loathing for Obama and the incredible mess he is making of this country. Loathing for his complete disregard for the Constitution (Consumer Protection guy, anybody?). Loathing for his taxpayer-funded multi-million-dollar vacations. Loathing for his petty political games. Loathing for his socialist/Marxist policies. Loathing for pretty much everything about this administration.

We have to boot his butt to the curb, people. We HAVE to. If we don't, we are royally screwed. So whoever can beat him--THAT is who we need to elect. I don't know who that person is. But that is the person we need. I am not going to be ideological about this. I will be pragmatic. Not one of these politicians is someone who I completely agree with. But any one of them would be better than what we have. So whoever can beat--scratch that--whoever can CRUSH him, is who I will be voting for.

The problem is....can any of them do that?

I'll have more to say on this in the coming weeks/months....

And while I'm on politics, I need one more rant....I am tired of the hypocrisy on the left. Tired of their claims for "tolerance" all while they're spewing bigotry. Apparently, it's OK for them to be bigots...just not those of us on the right. Of course, they don't see themselves as intolerant...you know...cuz they're so enlightened and all. Whatever. I'm done taking it. I'm done smiling and biting my tongue. I will be respectfully and calmly calling people out on it from here on out.

4. I have been working with some other people in the community to build a select girls' high school feeder basketball program in my town. Tryouts are next week. I have put a lot of time/effort into this project, and I sure hope it works out. One of my biggest fears is that I'll get it up and going and Wonderella won't even make the team. Wouldn't that be awesome? hahaha... haha. ... ha. Sigh....

Who's Afraid of the Big, Bad Wolf?

So, if you're like me, you're probably sick of hearing all about the "Mormons aren't Christians" stuff that has been all over the news lately. 

It's old.  And tiring.  And absolutely has no place in politics. 

But, unfortunately, it's here.  And it's out there.  And it saddens me to know that there are people so ignorant and bigoted and biased that they would refuse someone an opportunity (not just for President--but for anything) because they are a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. 
No one likes to hear the things that they hold dearest to them distorted and demeaned and twisted into a pile of poopy gobbledygook.  So many of the things I have read and heard people say about my faith are completely false.   There is so much hate coming from people who profess to follow the most perfect example of love the world has ever known.

I recently saw a video of Mitt Romney at some campaign event extend his hand to a man, who responded by telling him he would never vote for a Mormon.  Mitt Romney replied by saying "Well, can I shake your hand anyway?"  The crotchety old man replied vehemently "NO!"  

This man is a bigot.  It was ridiculous.  To this man, and to others who say they will never vote for a Mormon, my question is this:

What are you so afraid of?

Are you afraid you'll have a President who might encourage you to love and be faithful to your spouse? To spend more time with your family? To get out and serve and volunteer in your community and to get to know and be kind to your neighbors? A President who believes in honesty and personal responsibility and accountability?  Someone who encourages you to get out of debt and to live within your means, and to prepare for the future?  Someone who asks you to give freely to charity?  And even more, that you might get a President who doesn't just spout off about these things, but someone who actually lives them?

Can you even imagine?  Scary, right?!  Oh, the horror of it all! 


Oh, us scary Mormons!  So our doctrine is a little different than yours. Our values aren't. Our standards aren't. Our love of this country is the same as yours.  Our desire to be good and to do good is the same.

And guess what?  Our love for Jesus is too.  

True, some of our beliefs about Him may be different (ie., that He is a separate and distinct being from God the Father and from the Holy Ghost), but where it really matters--we believe the same.  The only way to salvation is through Jesus Christ.  To quote one of my favorite scriptures from that apparently scary book, The Book of Mormon, "And we talk of Christ, we rejoice in Christ, we preach of Christ, we prophesy of Christ, and we write according to our prophecies, that our children may know to what source they may look for a remission of their sins."  But you're going to try and tell me I'm not Christian.  Ummmm...since when did you get to decide who is and is not considered a "Christian?"  Really? 

I've heard people say they won't vote for a Mormon because they're concerned that the President would take direction from Mormon church leaders instead of doing just what is best for the country.  Ummmm.....have you seen Harry Reid?  I'm embarassed to admit it, but he's a Mormon.  He's a liberal Democrat with some polar opposite positions from fellow Mormon Mitt Romney.  So I think it's safe to say neither one of them are taking orders from the "powers that be" in Salt Lake City.   

A large source of anti-Mormonism comes from evangelicals.  To them, I would say, you are picking a fight with the wrong people.  We're on the same side here.  We want so many of the same things.  We all believe in life and in families and in doing good to others.  Why, when religion and faith is being attacked on all sides by so much evil and darkness, are you choosing to bring us down, when all that we have ever tried to stand for is goodness?  Don't you think there's a bigger enemy out there waiting for us?  Don't you think we should stick together?   Or do you just get to pick and choose when we're useful to you?  (Think California.) 

I love my faith.  Does it have some quirky doctrines and practices?  Sure.  Perhaps, on the surface, it may appear so.   But let's be honest.  Don't all religions?  My church has taught me who I am, and what I am here on earth to do.  Hint:  It's not to take over the country and the world, which is apparently what some people think!  It has taught me that I am a daughter of  God with the challenge to choose goodness and obedience in this life.  To rear a family to do the same.  To come unto Christ, to follow His perfect example, to enjoy this journey, and to help and do good to others along the way.  If that is a threat to you, well, then.....I'm sorry that you are so pathetic.   


So, again, I ask.
 
A Mormon President.  What are you so afraid of?

What the Aitch?! Wednesday

1. 'Tis the season for Halloween costumes. I have already told you that my kids want to be Smurfs. Well, at least this week they do. Big Red changes his mind about every hour, so we'll see where he eventually lands. He's somewhere between being Jokey Smurf, Brainy Smurf, a S.W.A.T. officer, General Grievous, Jango Fett, and a ninja. It's good to know that he has a wide range of interests. And I do find comfort in knowing there are a couple "good guys" in that group of possibilities. In general, Big Red always wants to be the bad guy. When he pretend-plays Star Wars, he always has to be a bad guy. He has no interest in being a good guy. He's all about the dark side of the force. Should I be worried?

One of my kids' favorite things to do is peruse the costume ad magazines that come in the mail from the party stores. They like to look, get ideas, and receive confirmation and validation that their homemade costumes are better than any of the store-bought ones they could find in there. At least that's what I tell myself. So, I was taking a gander at one this morning, and oh my goodness! It's like soft porn. The whole Adult Female section should just be re-titled "Stripper Costumes."

The names of the costumes alone are bad enough!
Pocahottie
Babe-a-lonian
Lust in Space
Tackle Me
Dirty Cop
All Star Hottie

I provide evidence here:
Pocahottie:


Babe-a-lonian



Tackle Me










Dirty Cop





And check this one out! It lights up and glows below the waist! Fantastic!


This is just a small sampling! There are others that are much worse, but I kept those off to protect all of y'alls innocence and such. And if these weren't bad enough, they also take many pure, wholesome characters from various Disney movies, etc., and turn them into trampy whores! There is no such thing as a skirt that even hits mid-thigh. And that goes for all the teen and girl costumes too! Makes me sick! Everything is so sexualized! I am so glad that my daughter was looking at these costumes! Geesh!

2. I have a lone fly in my house. He's my pet. He likes to fly around and hang out with the fam. I can't seem to get rid of him. He's this elusive wonder that appears out of nowhere and you can never quite keep up with him.

3. We had family pictures taken on Saturday. I had the whole pre-picture-taking routine set. I was going to make this a family portrait to remember. We would all get ready with time to spare, and glide into our car and head out, listening to The Carpenters, with smiles on our faces, loving each other more than ever.

Yeah.

Not so much.

It was a nightmare. I should have known better. It doesn't matter how ready you think you are, or how much time you leave yourself to get ready for these sorts of things, it's never enough. The kids were crying about this or that. Wonderella didn't like her hair. Big Red didn't like his shirt. Or his pants. Wee One didn't like anything. And I was freaking out. We finally get into the van, where I had hung all of our freshy-pressed shirts, and I found them on the floor. I lost my mind. I gave a stern rebuke to my children, not knowing that the neighbors were right outside and probably heard the whole thing. Whatever. And as we drove away, I told Hamburglar that we were never taking family pictures again. Ever. Right then and there I decided we were most certainly done having kids, because I didn't ever want to take pictures again. I hate it.

So when we got there, we all had to pretend we liked each other after the hell I raised getting there. Kind of defeated the purpose.

To top it all off, the weather was crappy. Our session was on a local beach, and instead of some nice blue skies, we had gray, cloudy, rainy skies. Sigh.... Oh well. I guess it's more realistic of the weather around here anyways. It's too bad because it had been nice weather leading up to it. Sigh again.

4. Low-flow toilets are the worst. The worst, I tell you! Our new home has them, and I hate them. Nothing flushes. Nothing, people. How horrible is it when a guest comes over, and you have to warn them that if they are going to flush anything "more substantial," then they need to hold down the handle and not release it until you've seen the "substantial material" go down? How fantastic is that? Let me tell you. It's mighty fantastic. I'm so glad I can do my part to save the whales. In the meantime, I'm keeping the plunger-makers in business. And on the subject of plungers....is there anything more gross? Seriously? What are you supposed to do with those things when you're done with them? I just want to take them into the backyard and hose them down for 20 minutes. I would love it if they would make disposable plungers. I'd be all over them. They'd be worth every penny.

5. Football parents are crazy. Cray. Zee. That is all I can say. But I am anxiously looking forward to the end of the season. We only have about 6 weeks left. Only.

I still play the anti-social snob at the far end of the sidelines. It's really not that I am anti-social, but when you have three other kids that are wreaking havoc and getting into everything, you kind of just want and need your own space. My kids are kind of embarassing. And I mean that in the most loving way possible, of course.

Totally 80s Tuesday!

Oh, the 80s. How I miss thee.

Life was simpler then. Sure, we had Soviet Communists breathing down our necks, and Boy George singing about chameleons, but life was good.

As a baby gift for Wee One, I received this shirt:


Of course, you should all know what movie this line comes from. If not, then I would ask you why you are here reading this blog at all. Please leave.

Of course, the movie is Dirty Dancing. I remember when this movie came out. I specifically remember a girl in my class telling me she had gone to see it. I was somewhat apalled at this, because it didn't seem like an appropriate show for a girl our age. (Yes, even then, my sense of moral superiority and condescension was very fine-tuned). I asked her how the movie was. She replied, "It was dirty." But she said it in a way that let me know that yes, it was dirty... and she liked it that way, quite frankly. After that, I thought that this movie must be from the dark side and I don't think I watched it until it came out on VHS a year or so later. And I probably watched it under duress or peer pressure. But, of course, I loved it.

Speaking of watching dark movies under duress....as a teenager, one time I was at a party and they decided to watch "The Exorcist." I didn't want to watch it. I'm a wuss when it comes to those sorts of things. I hate horror films. Hate them! They give me nightmares. I saw "Friday the 13th" as a small child (thanks, not-so-vigilant older siblings! :) ), and I was scarred for life. Sometimes, when I'm really quiet and still, I can still hear the creepy "Help me! Help me!" voice when I lay in bed at night. But back to the devil-casting show...I had my head under a blanket for most of the first half, until I decided I couldn't take it anymore, and I went upstairs and talked to my friend's mom until the show was over. It was most delightful. I rather enjoyed it.



Nobody puts Baby in a corner! Nobody!

Words to live by.

And, lest any of you not understand the depth of this iconic line, then I suggest you listen to Mr. Swayze describe it himself.... It adds a whole new layer of awesomeness. So deep, Patrick, so deep....

The real question I have though, is this: You originally didn't like the line "nobody puts Baby in a corner," but you were ok with "She's like the wind through my tree" in the song She's Like the Wind?

Tracking Down the Creeps Returns!

Ok, I haven't done a Tracking Down the Creeps post in a long time! And, I haven't been monitoring any of my search terms in a long, long time. So, this is the best I have for now. So here they are: odd search terms landing people on my blog:

kamilli's boyfriend trouble
No boyfriend trouble here. Not anymore anyways. I had some real lame ones back in the day though. Double trouble.

Interestingly, a friend of mine emailed me the other day and notified me of her recent facebook find. Through a mutual friend, she had found one of my old boyfriend's facebook pages. Wow. That's all I can say. WOW. It's amazing how much a person can change in 15 short years. And I don't just mean physically change. Mentally....physically....spiritually change. It's moments like this that I am sure glad I married my dear Hamburglar.

when is the hamburglar's birthday
Were you going to throw a party? Who really wants to know when the Hamburglar's birthday is? Seriously?

you give me fever latin accent
I'm picturing Antonio Banderas. A little Shrek Puss in Boots action or something.

those who disagree with obama are racist
Still hearing this? Really? Of course, it couldn't be the fact that Obama has turned out to be one of the biggest duds in modern presidential history. No, we disagree with him because....? We are racist.

Canadian band lyrics Zack AND Kelly AND 80's AND mullet
Wow! So much awesomeness jam-packed into one fabulous web search. Canadian bands? Fantastic. Zack and Kelly? Iconic. 80s? One of the best decades ever! Mullet? Three words for ya: Billy. Ray. Cyrus. The Kentucky Waterfall never disappoints.

is obama a oil scare monger
Ummm...he's just a monger. Of course, I say that because I'm a racist.

gumboots puddles annoying
Indeed.


pooping porn
Words fail me. Ewww. Did they mean to type "popping corn?" No wait, I've got it! They meant to type "pooping corn!" That's it!

Ok, that's still gross....but much better than pooping porn.

gyno and paper and gown
All three go together and combine for one glorious experience. Can't have one without the others.


"latex gloves" diaper nurse "she said"
Yeah, if I were a diaper nurse, I'd definitely be whipping out the latex gloves as well. In fact, I'd probably have a triple layer of those bad boys. I just don't know where the "she said" comes in. Like a "that's what she said" kind of thing? That's a little more disturbing.

ikea knight in shining armor from a long time ago
I'm sure this person just forgot the "l" at the front of this search, but I kind of like the idea of a knight in shining armor at IKEA. I can see it now. Some Swedish man. Blonde. Gangly. Bad teeth.


do's and don'ts of pooping in public
Really, there's just one rule of thumb here. Just don't. Don't do it. And if you must, please, for the love, make sure I'm not coming into the stall right behind you.