1. 'Tis the season for Halloween costumes. I have already told you that my kids want to be Smurfs. Well, at least this week they do. Big Red changes his mind about every hour, so we'll see where he eventually lands. He's somewhere between being Jokey Smurf, Brainy Smurf, a S.W.A.T. officer, General Grievous, Jango Fett, and a ninja. It's good to know that he has a wide range of interests. And I do find comfort in knowing there are a couple "good guys" in that group of possibilities. In general, Big Red always wants to be the bad guy. When he pretend-plays Star Wars, he always has to be a bad guy. He has no interest in being a good guy. He's all about the dark side of the force. Should I be worried?
One of my kids' favorite things to do is peruse the costume ad magazines that come in the mail from the party stores. They like to look, get ideas, and receive confirmation and validation that their homemade costumes are better than any of the store-bought ones they could find in there. At least that's what I tell myself. So, I was taking a gander at one this morning, and oh my goodness! It's like soft porn. The whole Adult Female section should just be re-titled "Stripper Costumes."
The names of the costumes alone are bad enough!
Pocahottie
Babe-a-lonian
Lust in Space
Tackle Me
Dirty Cop
All Star Hottie
I provide evidence here:
Pocahottie:
Babe-a-lonian
Tackle Me
Dirty Cop
And check this one out! It lights up and glows below the waist! Fantastic!
This is just a small sampling! There are others that are much worse, but I kept those off to protect all of y'alls innocence and such. And if these weren't bad enough, they also take many pure, wholesome characters from various Disney movies, etc., and turn them into trampy whores! There is no such thing as a skirt that even hits mid-thigh. And that goes for all the teen and girl costumes too! Makes me sick! Everything is so sexualized! I am so glad that my daughter was looking at these costumes! Geesh!
2. I have a lone fly in my house. He's my pet. He likes to fly around and hang out with the fam. I can't seem to get rid of him. He's this elusive wonder that appears out of nowhere and you can never quite keep up with him.
3. We had family pictures taken on Saturday. I had the whole pre-picture-taking routine set. I was going to make this a family portrait to remember. We would all get ready with time to spare, and glide into our car and head out, listening to The Carpenters, with smiles on our faces, loving each other more than ever.
Yeah.
Not so much.
It was a nightmare. I should have known better. It doesn't matter how ready you think you are, or how much time you leave yourself to get ready for these sorts of things, it's never enough. The kids were crying about this or that. Wonderella didn't like her hair. Big Red didn't like his shirt. Or his pants. Wee One didn't like anything. And I was freaking out. We finally get into the van, where I had hung all of our freshy-pressed shirts, and I found them on the floor. I lost my mind. I gave a stern rebuke to my children, not knowing that the neighbors were right outside and probably heard the whole thing. Whatever. And as we drove away, I told Hamburglar that we were never taking family pictures again. Ever. Right then and there I decided we were most certainly done having kids, because I didn't ever want to take pictures again. I hate it.
So when we got there, we all had to pretend we liked each other after the hell I raised getting there. Kind of defeated the purpose.
To top it all off, the weather was crappy. Our session was on a local beach, and instead of some nice blue skies, we had gray, cloudy, rainy skies. Sigh.... Oh well. I guess it's more realistic of the weather around here anyways. It's too bad because it had been nice weather leading up to it. Sigh again.
4. Low-flow toilets are the worst. The worst, I tell you! Our new home has them, and I hate them. Nothing flushes. Nothing, people. How horrible is it when a guest comes over, and you have to warn them that if they are going to flush anything "more substantial," then they need to hold down the handle and not release it until you've seen the "substantial material" go down? How fantastic is that? Let me tell you. It's mighty fantastic. I'm so glad I can do my part to save the whales. In the meantime, I'm keeping the plunger-makers in business. And on the subject of plungers....is there anything more gross? Seriously? What are you supposed to do with those things when you're done with them? I just want to take them into the backyard and hose them down for 20 minutes. I would love it if they would make disposable plungers. I'd be all over them. They'd be worth every penny.
5. Football parents are crazy. Cray. Zee. That is all I can say. But I am anxiously looking forward to the end of the season. We only have about 6 weeks left. Only.
I still play the anti-social snob at the far end of the sidelines. It's really not that I am anti-social, but when you have three other kids that are wreaking havoc and getting into everything, you kind of just want and need your own space. My kids are kind of embarassing. And I mean that in the most loving way possible, of course.
One of my kids' favorite things to do is peruse the costume ad magazines that come in the mail from the party stores. They like to look, get ideas, and receive confirmation and validation that their homemade costumes are better than any of the store-bought ones they could find in there. At least that's what I tell myself. So, I was taking a gander at one this morning, and oh my goodness! It's like soft porn. The whole Adult Female section should just be re-titled "Stripper Costumes."
The names of the costumes alone are bad enough!
Pocahottie
Babe-a-lonian
Lust in Space
Tackle Me
Dirty Cop
All Star Hottie
I provide evidence here:
Pocahottie:
Babe-a-lonian
Tackle Me
Dirty Cop
And check this one out! It lights up and glows below the waist! Fantastic!
This is just a small sampling! There are others that are much worse, but I kept those off to protect all of y'alls innocence and such. And if these weren't bad enough, they also take many pure, wholesome characters from various Disney movies, etc., and turn them into trampy whores! There is no such thing as a skirt that even hits mid-thigh. And that goes for all the teen and girl costumes too! Makes me sick! Everything is so sexualized! I am so glad that my daughter was looking at these costumes! Geesh!
2. I have a lone fly in my house. He's my pet. He likes to fly around and hang out with the fam. I can't seem to get rid of him. He's this elusive wonder that appears out of nowhere and you can never quite keep up with him.
3. We had family pictures taken on Saturday. I had the whole pre-picture-taking routine set. I was going to make this a family portrait to remember. We would all get ready with time to spare, and glide into our car and head out, listening to The Carpenters, with smiles on our faces, loving each other more than ever.
Yeah.
Not so much.
It was a nightmare. I should have known better. It doesn't matter how ready you think you are, or how much time you leave yourself to get ready for these sorts of things, it's never enough. The kids were crying about this or that. Wonderella didn't like her hair. Big Red didn't like his shirt. Or his pants. Wee One didn't like anything. And I was freaking out. We finally get into the van, where I had hung all of our freshy-pressed shirts, and I found them on the floor. I lost my mind. I gave a stern rebuke to my children, not knowing that the neighbors were right outside and probably heard the whole thing. Whatever. And as we drove away, I told Hamburglar that we were never taking family pictures again. Ever. Right then and there I decided we were most certainly done having kids, because I didn't ever want to take pictures again. I hate it.
So when we got there, we all had to pretend we liked each other after the hell I raised getting there. Kind of defeated the purpose.
To top it all off, the weather was crappy. Our session was on a local beach, and instead of some nice blue skies, we had gray, cloudy, rainy skies. Sigh.... Oh well. I guess it's more realistic of the weather around here anyways. It's too bad because it had been nice weather leading up to it. Sigh again.
4. Low-flow toilets are the worst. The worst, I tell you! Our new home has them, and I hate them. Nothing flushes. Nothing, people. How horrible is it when a guest comes over, and you have to warn them that if they are going to flush anything "more substantial," then they need to hold down the handle and not release it until you've seen the "substantial material" go down? How fantastic is that? Let me tell you. It's mighty fantastic. I'm so glad I can do my part to save the whales. In the meantime, I'm keeping the plunger-makers in business. And on the subject of plungers....is there anything more gross? Seriously? What are you supposed to do with those things when you're done with them? I just want to take them into the backyard and hose them down for 20 minutes. I would love it if they would make disposable plungers. I'd be all over them. They'd be worth every penny.
5. Football parents are crazy. Cray. Zee. That is all I can say. But I am anxiously looking forward to the end of the season. We only have about 6 weeks left. Only.
I still play the anti-social snob at the far end of the sidelines. It's really not that I am anti-social, but when you have three other kids that are wreaking havoc and getting into everything, you kind of just want and need your own space. My kids are kind of embarassing. And I mean that in the most loving way possible, of course.
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3 comments:
Ugh, this is the time of year when my sister and I love to mock our favorite "Mean Girls" truthism:
"Halloween is the one night a year when girls can dress like a total slut and no other girls can say anything about it."
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vsauqpPuM_o&feature=related
I agree with you on the costumes. I was looking at some the other day and think they are discusting.
Low-flow toilets are horrible. My family has them in our bathrooms and I hate them. There's nothing worse than having to flush more than once or unclog them constantly.
I hate family pictures. We had them taken in June- perfect 95 degree weather. I was amazed that the photographer got anything out of the kids. Lincoln wouldn't look in the camera and was hiding his face the entire time. When we got them back I was amazed there were some decent ones. Did you get them back yet? Lets hope you will be pleasantly surprised.
Noah always wants to be the bad guy too. I finally talked him out of being Voldemort for Halloween. I think it is ninjas this year.
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